The Successful Mind Podcast - Episode 571 - Creating a Business You Love: The Role of Self-Love and Boundary-Setting

Creating a Business You Love: The Role of Self-Love & Boundary-Setting



Given that it’s Valentine’s week, it’s the perfect opportunity to talk about love—particularly, self-love in business.


Love isn’t necessarily a mystical, romantic thing—it simply means being in harmony or in resonance with something or someone. You can be on the same frequency mentally, physically, and psychologically as someone. You can feel it in your body.

 

This also applies to the desires of your heart. What are you in resonance with? You can love your work, your job, your purpose, and how you treat yourself and others.

 

In this episode, we discuss:

 

  • How a lack of self-love has a damaging effect on someone’s business—causing them to pay their teammates before paying themselves

  • How Imposter Syndrome ties back to a lack of self-love and not feeling worthy of the position you want to see yourself in

  • How Imposter Syndrome keeps you from being seen—it affects your pricing, how you advertise yourself, how you talk about yourself to other clients, your inability to share client wins, and whether you allow yourself to get the help you need

  • How the world often reflects to most people who they’re NOT, rather than who they truly are

  • How you can start to develop self-love by setting boundaries (everyone else’s emergencies don’t need to be your emergencies)

  • How some religions teach that we’re not worthy—yet in the book of Genesis, it says from the very beginning that we’re made in the image of God

 

Remember—loving yourself is NOT arrogant or egotistical. As a business owner, it’s okay for you to set boundaries and to put yourself first. It’s okay to pay yourself first, have what you want, and to be clear on what things you need to do to nourish and feed yourself.

  

Links & Additional Resources

Do you feel in your heart you should be growing faster right now, but you just can’t see the “HOW”? Consider joining us for our upcoming Business Growth Acceleratorand you’ll know exactly what’s keeping you stuck and spinning your wheels. You’ll walk away with the clarity and confidence you need to make key decisions, EVERY DAY, and stabilize and grow your business even as the economy continues to deteriorate. No more second-guessing, no more waffling, just results. Trust us, by the end of this program, you’ll walk away with a new level of clarity, direction and confidence on whatwhy and how to do what’s needed in your business to see it grow.
 
For more information, go to:



Episode 051- The Art of Self Love

Episode 177- Setting Healthy Boundaries

Episode 415- Fall in Love With the Process


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www.lifeisnowinc.com/leader


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STEPH

So, David? It’s Valentine’s Week. This week. Love is everywhere. Apparently

DAVID

It is.

STEPH

And it’s actually the topic of today’s podcast. We’re going to talk about love, but we’re not going to talk about love from perspective of chocolate hearts and Valentine’s Day cards and romance. We’re going to talk about self-love and specifically self-love in business. Is that cool with you?

DAVID

Yes.  Let’s do it.

STEPH

So whenever we talk about love, you always get the question, what is love like? What is the definition of love? You want to address that?

DAVID

Yeah, sure. Back in the day when I was learning about this, I was learning a lot of a lot of my initial learning around this came from my mentor, Proctor, and he said something that really struck a chord with me. He says, love as a resonance.  It’s being in harmony, when we were talking about other people at the time. I mean, being in harmony with another person, being on the same frequency mentally, physically, psychologically, you know, we’re just really being in harmony with that individual. And you can feel that in your body, it sets up a resonance. But it’s also that way with things like the desire of your heart. What are you in love with in life? Your work, your job, things that you feel that you’re put here to do other people, how do you treat yourself and others? It’s what are you in resonance with those things? So that’s really, when you remove the kind of the mystical romance side out of it, which really plays a very different role, the idea is being in love with life and yourself and what you do with yourself.

STEPH

Awesome. And since most people listening to this podcast are business owners, and we consult with business owners, we see how the lack of love, the lack of self-love in particular, can really have some damaging effects on business. And the problem is that it’s almost cliche, right? So. I mean, I don’t know how many times someone has said to me, oh, you just need to work on loving yourself, right? You just need to work on loving yourself. Well, that’s all fine and good, but if you weren’t ever taught how to love yourself as a child, how the hell do you learn to love yourself? What does that even look like? Are there steps? And in terms of business, what does that look like in terms of how I show up as a business leader? And I would always, always get kind of irritated knowing that, yeah, I’m sure that’s probably the answer, but it’s not the whole answer.

DAVID

It’s definitely not the whole answer. And I think part of it is that there’s this double binding message that we’re raised with.  I don’t know if it’s actually spoken this way, but it’s indirectly communicated that loving yourself is an arrogant or an egotistical type of thing. And I remember Proctor, one time, one of the first times I heard him, he was like, you should love yourself. You should be able to wake up in the morning and kiss yourself, but you’re so happy with who you are as a person. Person. And I remember feeling kind of funny when you said that. Like almost like that’s arrogant conceited. And it really isn’t when you start to understand it. What’s unfortunate is, I think that for most individuals, instead of being raised where you’re taught about the best parts of yourself and how to treat yourself and then bring that forth in the world, it’s all about what can you do for somebody else first and putting yourself last. And then you don’t feel good about yourself, but you don’t know why because you think you’re following the rules, that you are taught how to treat everybody else. And the idea is this, at least this is what I think. If you treat yourself the best and you really focus on the idea of I am going to consciously work on the relationship with myself, on myself, then the way that I show up in the world will be just that to everybody. But if I short myself, then I don’t bring all of myself to the world. I bring the broken parts of myself to the world So I think it’s a big deal.

STEPH

That’s also kind of where Imposter Syndrome comes from, doesn’t it? Where you’re feeling one way on the inside, but the image that you’re portraying on the outside is not actually what you’re truly feeling on the inside. It’s what you think you have to be like on the outside to get your needs met.

DAVID

And Imposter Syndrome is a huge deal for people who are trying to develop greatness inside of themselves to build businesses and various other things. Right. They just don’t feel worthy of the position that they want to see themselves. There’s a total internal conflict going on all the time.

STEPH

And I know, and we know Imposter Syndrome can have massive ramifications. It’ll keep you from being seen.  There’s so many ways that Imposter Syndrome will mess with you. Your pricing, how you advertise yourself, how you talk about yourself to other clients, your inability to share client wins.  Like allowing yourself to get the help that you need. You don’t feel like you’re good enough to get the help that you need.  Okay, so I’m just going to cut to the chase here, because I want this episode to be super helpful. And the big question that I’ve always had around this and I know other people have asked us as well, it’s how do I like, what are the tangible things? Like, how do I develop selflove with myself? If that wasn’t something that I was taught, if I was taught actually the opposite, what can I do about it? Right? Like, what can I do? I know that’s the question that’s running through people’s minds right now.

DAVID

One of the things I think this is kind of interesting is you have to realize that you’re worthy of self-love.  And I don’t think people think that they’re actually worthy of really loving themselves.  I think it comes down to how your parents related your worthiness in the world to yourself. If you think about the things that you asked for, the things that you wanted, the things that you also needed in your life, as a child and you were told that you couldn’t have them, they give an internal indication that you’re not worth it, right? You’re not worth extra attention. You’re not worth this. We don’t have the money for that. Who do you think you are? What makes you think that you should have this? There’s all of these contradicting ideas when it comes to a child standing out, stepping out, experiencing their own internal desire. A kid doesn’t doesn’t know. They have no reflection of what it is that they’re desiring to go, hey, what is this about? Why am I having this experience that I want this toy or I want two toys or I want a swimming pool? They don’t know that. All they know is that they’re having this experience and they start to step into that experience and ask for what they want. They damn, it gets shut down really hard and with the indication that they’re not good enough or they’re not worthy enough to have that. So in order for this to happen, I think a person has to start to look at what they really are to begin with. And I always like to start with you’re a spiritual being having a human experience. You are a soul which, in essence, you are loved. You are made to be the most magnificent creation that there is and then be able to put that forth into the experience of life. If you start there and add to it, then things make sense. If you start from a deficient, it doesn’t make sense because it doesn’t add up in your mind.

STEPH

Right. So basically what you’re saying is you’ve got to start from the truth of the situation, not from where your belief system is right now.

DAVID

Right. It’s a truth that has to be taught to you about who you really are. So that’s the indication. That the idea. If you sit back and go, I wonder who I really am, probably the first voices that come to your mind is actually what you’re not. Right. Because that’s what the world reflects to most people.

STEPH

Interesting. I know when we’ve asked that question to our clients in the past, they’ll say things like, you say, who are you? Oh, I’m a business owner, I’m a mom, I’m a dad, I’m a husband, I’m a wife, I’m a creative, I’m an empath. But they miss that actual very beginning of the essence of who they are.

DAVID

Yeah. All of those things are based on what they do. They’re looking for their self-ideology based on what they do, and that’s how most people are raised from very early age. What are you going to be when you grow up? How many times have we heard that?

STEPH

Oh, my gosh.

DAVID

Now who are you? Not what do you want to become? What are you going to do when you grow up? I remember Steph getting that question asked to me, four or five, maybe even three years old.

STEPH

Oh, yeah, sure. Well, you started playing. Like, I remember in kindergarten, we would have, like, days where we would get to dress up like a career, right? You’d dress up like a mailman. You’d dress up like a doctor. You dress up like a lawyer. You dress up like a firefighter. You dress up you know what I mean? Like a police officer. And then you’d get to wear the costumes. And it was all about, like, figuring out what you wanted to be when you grew grew up.

DAVID

And think about what you played with with other kids at a young age, like, when you got together with kids on the block or whatever. What were the things that you did in play?  I remember playing things that were representative of what was ever well, I mean, when I was a little kid, Vietnam was still going strong. So everything as boys, we would get little soldier toys and we would get GI. Joes and stuff like that. And we would play that. That’s where we were going to be. But we also would play barber. We would get a barber’s kit. Right. And some of the girls would get nurse’s kit. And doctors get the stethoscope.

STEPH

Oh, yeah, I had the stethoscope,

DAVID

Which, I mean, that could lead to something else.  But it was interesting what we were given to play with that would use our creative imagination and we would start seeing ourselves as possibly all of these different things that we were in interested in. And I don’t remember anybody saying to me, here’s who you are as a person, and here’s why you are this. A couple of weeks ago, I discussed this in one of our MDM morning meetings.  And I was pointing out very interesting lesson that I heard Proctor talk about back in the day. And he was talking about when he first started listening to Earl Nightingale’s recordings. And he was listening, was listening to him for hundreds of hours, thousands of hours. And what he was listening to was the potential of what you were as a person in those recordings, and why you are so capable of doing great things. And he didn’t know why it was so appealing to him to listen to that, but he was listening to it over and over and over. And it wasn’t telling him what he was not and it wasn’t telling him what he did wrong and it wasn’t telling him what he should do. It was getting him in touch those recordings were getting him in touch with the essence of who he was as a person. And as that began to blossom, he began to love himself. And as he began to love himself, he began to see that he was capable of doing great things.

STEPH

I love that story. I heard that story a couple of times because think about I’m 48. I’ve had 48 years of programming of who I’m not, right? I can’t imagine him sitting there and listening to the recordings over and over, just trying to get it into his mind who he actually is. And people say, you say you’re a spiritual being in a physical body having a physical, physical experience.

DAVID

Having a human experience.

STEPH

So you’re a spiritual being in a physical body. Having a human experience like, that’s who everyone is at their base level, and there’s nothing about that that deems you unworthy for anything that you desire.

DAVID

That’s correct. But on many different levels, including some religious levels, we’re taught that we’re not worthy.

STEPH

Yes. Well, we’ve talked about original sin before in previous podcast episodes, so that’s where we are.

DAVID

How the hell do you love yourself when you’re taught that you’re born to be a sinner. That makes it really tough.

Right. And basically it’s saying you don’t deserve anything until you do all these different steps, and then maybe you’re made worthy of doing something. Right.. But it keeps this kind of bait out in front of you your whole life that maybe you’ll add up and damn, is there a nasty consequence if you don’t. Oh, yeah. I don’t think that anybody ever actually gets there when you really look at what what’s happening to people.

STEPH

So let’s talk about that.  We’ve got your business owner. You’ve got between 35 and 50 years of programming. You’ve got the negative voices in your head telling you all the things that you’re doing wrong and why you’re not good enough, and people will leave. And you’ve got to do this to get this and all the strings attached to love that they’re usually taught. There’s lots of strings attached. If you want to be love, you have to do this, this and this, or we’ll withhold love or we’ll leave. So we’re now a business owner, and there’s lots of stuff that need to be done in a business. And generally where we see this show up is self-sacrificing in business, right? You go into business for a reason. You go into business normally because you love the thing that you’re doing, right? Like, you like the doing of the thing in your business. You don’t necessarily go into business because you want to manage people, right? That’s generally not the reason that you go into business. So then you’re put in a situation where it’s kind of a minefield of self-loathing because there’s so many opportunities to make mistakes, and every mistake just adds to the side of the pile of why you’re not worth self-love. So can we talk about some tangible things that people can start doing in their business right now? To begin to build that.

DAVID

I think so.  I’m thinking, as you’re saying this, when first started my business, somebody that was very important to me said, you have absolutely no right to make money from other people, showing them how you made mistakes and fix it. You should feel horrible about yourself because of that. And they were dead serious, they were really serious. And for the first time in my life, I actually felt proud of something that I had done because I was able to change something and learn how to do something completely different. And I was thinking, as you were talking about that based on the things that we want to discuss today.  Very often people go into business not believing that they have something extremely important to contribute. And that becomes kind of this funnel focus out of their mind. And I think that’s why they do the things that you’re suggesting. So I think it starts with this understand, whatever reason you’re in business, you have something unique about you to offer to other individuals at a very high level to benefit the lives of other people.  There is a great amount of worth just in that in and of itself. And then there’s the levels of how you do that, which is what we’re going to talk about. How do you build the business in a way where you’re creating and putting forth the best of you that you have and the business itself?

STEPH

Yeah, that’s exactly it. I think the concept of self-love is a little distorted.  I’ll be speaking to a business owner and we’ll be talking about self-care and making sure that they’re making themselves a priority. Right? And they’ll say things like, well, I get a massage once a month, but when you’re getting a massage, what are the things that you’re saying to yourself in your head? Most business owners that lack self-love will get a massage. They’ll feel guilty for taking the time to get the massage. They’ll be laying on the table thinking of all the things they could be doing with the time that they’re taking to get the massage or all the things that they need to do after the massage, all the things that they did wrong before the massage. And it’s actually not an act of self-love at all.  They just feel guilty about getting a massage. Right. So it’s more than self-care, right. It’s how you set up your life. It’s what you tolerate and what you don’t tolerate in your life. So the first one, and this is for everyone, is the act of setting boundaries, is an act of self-love. And I think it’s the biggest thing that’s not taught us as children how to say no to something, how to set a boundary and say no. I’m going to be leaving today at 4:30. I’m not going to do this extra thing after 4:30. And I’m doing that because I value me and I value my time, and I’m not going to do that where boundaries are a huge issue. Boundaries are an issue around your team. Boundaries are an issue around family. I mean, family are the biggest boundary pushers on the planet, right? Boundary issues around your calendar, boundary issues around your time. Boundary issues around expectations.

DAVID

Well, the only thing you can control is you. And boundaries is a tool that allows you to do that..Without that, everybody else or other things are controlling. Somebody else’s sense of urgency, of what has to happen is controlling you or their guilt or their shame or whatever reason they’re telling you no. Or what you have to do or whatever. You’re not controlling the one thing that you actually have control over.

STEPH

Right. Everyone else’s emergencies do not need to be your emergencies.  Like I’m going to say one more time, everybody else’s emergencies do not have to be your emergencies. But we’re so used to solving problems. Most people go into business because they know how to solve problems. Which I think is interesting that that person said that to you. Because that’s what business is. Business is about providing solutions and how do you get the solutions? You learn from your mistakes. Right. But the idea is that you’re so used to solving problems that you lack the boundary to say, that’s not my problem to solve.

DAVID

Exactly.

STEPH

Right. That’s not my problem to solve. This is their problem to solve.

DAVID

Yeah, it’s interesting that you say that you’re made to me really think today, because for somebody to make that state that you’re not good enough to do this or that you shouldn’t be doing this from something that you fixed and you actually learned. It’s kind of like, I wonder what they think business is anyway. Because one thing that’s very interesting is that we’re raised with this idea that we don’t need this or that. So business offers solutions to problems for the most part, right. Products and services that solve problems that make people’s lives better. And your whole childhood you’re taught you don’t need all these extra things in life. So then to go out and do them, it’s almost as if you’re doing something that’s wrong to begin with. It’s really kind of messed up when you think about how twisted it actually is

STEPH

Yeah, it is.

DAVID

I think there’s something inside of people when they start business, at least from what you and I have seen with this game of resistance that goes back and forth. Like not feeling good about getting massage, not understanding how to set boundaries, not understanding how to say no, not understanding how to protect your spacer. Take care of yourself the best that you can. There’s a guilt that runs through that, and I wonder if some of it doesn’t actually stem from that some part in your subconscious mind you don’t think you’re doing something wrong to begin with.

STEPH

Well, let’s take so as you’re talking, I’m sitting here thinking about a past client, and this has actually been several clients that we’ve worked with where they were actually paying their team more than they were paying themselves.  That’s a huge act of self-harm, actually, right? You’ve got you’ve got acts of self-love and you’ve got acts of self-harm. I like to me, that’s easy to separate those two into those two categories. This is either an act of self-love or this is an act of self-harm. And I’ll come back to that because I kind of have a story about that. But she’s running a business, she’s building a business, and she’s paying her team more than she’s paying herself, right? Because she thinks if she doesn’t, they’ll leave. She doesn’t think she’s worth being paid. She’s waiting for some day when the business is making enough money for her to get paid.

DAVID

A mystical thought right there someday.

STEPH

Someday we’ll never come.  And really, when you boil it down, it’s she had a massive self-worth issue.

DAVID

Yes, and you know something else that’s interesting about that statement? There’s a lot of people out there that have business podcasts and have written business books and people that I’ve admired over the years. They also have this disbelief. And some of them are way more successful than we are, too. But if you think about where does it come from? It comes from the underlying idea that they’re competing with others for business to begin with. So they’re starting off with a lack proposition instead of something that is holistic to actually start with. When I learned that piece that you’re discussing about paying yourself first, the idea was coming from this idea that you are more than enough. You have more than enough to give. What you have is prosperous and you’re coming from an abundant place to do this. So, it’s not just that there’s enough for the people who work for you, but there’s enough for you also because you’re the creator of the thing that you’re actually a proponent of.

STEPH

Correct, and there’s a value exchange there. And if you’re not accepting your own value in exchange, then that’s actually an act of self-harm.  So not setting a boundary. And we could give specific examples. I mean, yeah, because if you’re actually enjoying it and making what you want, then there’s got to be something wrong. You’ve got to be doing something criminal. So the other way the other way to increase or to build self-love in business is to give yourself permission and to say no to things. Now, that kind of goes in line with boundary, right? But I think that we’re just so to say yes to everything, to make people happy, that we don’t actually check in with ourselves and say, is this something that I really want to do? It’s more if I don’t do this, this and this could possibly happen wrong. Right.  I am self-harming when I say yes to something that I don’t really want to do. And this isn’t like, I know I need to pick up the phone and make sales calls to bring in money for my business. That’s not this kind. This is someone asks you to do something, a request that you do something and you don’t want to do it. You don’t see how it’s in line with your business. You don’t see how it’s taking you closer to your goal, and you say yes anyway. You do this thing, and then you become resentful of the other person. It’s an act of self-harm. It’s not an act of self-love where if you just communicated, you know what? I’m not really interested in doing that. Thanks for the invite, or thanks for asking. That builds self-esteem.  I just said self-esteem. How are self-love and self-esteem interrelated?

DAVID

Well, self-esteem is basically the mirror image of how you see yourself unconsciously. And it’s built over a lot of different things as we’re growing up, because everything is. Human beings are very interesting and the fact that we understand who we are through the reflection of others. Right. So I really wouldn’t understand. And me? I didn’t have you in my life. I need somebody to reflect me back to me. Right? So if you’re being raised in an environment where you’re taught that it’s not okay to set boundaries, you don’t know how to say no. You have to do things out of shame and guilt. You’re wrong for wanting to follow your own heart’s desires. What is being reflected back to you is an image of you that is not that good. And then you internalize that image, and I’m not that great and I should feel guilty, and I should feel shame, and I should do what other people want before I do what I want. It’s not okay for me to ask for what I want. I break my word constantly because I’m constantly committing to doing things they don’t really want to do. And it goes it goes on and on. So that builds a self-esteem or a self-image of the person that other people thought you should be. So it’s a it’s a genetic biological programming paradigm that comes down from one generation to another, and it’s automatically passed on to children because that’s the way people think that they should actually be in life.  How did you phrase the question again?

STEPH

How is self-love and self-esteem interrelated?

DAVID

Yeah. So the thing is that when you build self-esteem based on the ignorant opinion of other people, you’re not loving yourself. You’re looking for acceptance. So your whole self-esteem is based on the acceptance that’s I need other people’s approval. I need their acceptance.  I need what I think their love is, even though I don’t really understand what that might be. It’s not just an affectionate gesture, but we’ve. Think that it is.  And the idea is that we think that that love is always coming from something else and we’re constantly working for it. We don’t understand that it begins with us and we have to learn who we are essentially from a spiritual perspective to understand that love in order to change that self-esteem. Because as adults, we’re in control of changing the image that we hold inside of ourselves. Now, it’s work, right? There’s no question that it’s work. And it requires that you get a different knowledge and you’re raised with so that you can move into self-love. The idea would be that they harmonize, that you bring those two things together, that you hold a loving picture or a loving self-image of yourself that then is projected out into the world. The person that you’re being is not because of what’s being reflected back to you, because you’re choosing to be the person that you want to be. You don’t need the acceptance of others to be who you want. You don’t need the acceptance of others to say what you’re. To do what you want in this life. I don’t know if that’s answering your question, but I’m trying to get close to what you’re asking. It’s a little complicated.

STEPH

It is. I think you laid out the distinction nicely. Your self-esteem is basically your self-image. And most people’s self-esteem or self-image is based on what other people told them it needed to be, rather than who they innately are and what they want for themselves. Okay. I think that’s clear. That is really like people use self-esteem and self-love interchangeably as if they’re the same thing and they’re actually not the same thing.

DAVID

And here’s something that’s interesting. You can actually find this in most of the religions around the world if you look close enough. Let’s just take the Christian religion right in Genesis, it says that we’re made in the image in the image of God, that God created us in the image of God. But that is not taught interpersonally in most of the Christian denominations. It’s actually the opposite. You’re not worthy of God’s. Until you do this, you’re born a sinner. If you sin, if you don’t do these certain things, you’re going to go to hell for all eterntiy. So you’re constantly chasing the affection of God for your whole life. The approval the endorsement of God that you’re actually a good person when right back in the beginning, it says you’re created in the image of which means if I was to teach a child right from the very beginning who they were as a person and the greatness that’s in there, and then discipline them according to that right? Help mold their habits in the way that they think. From that perspective, you’d end up with a completely different person on your hands by the time they became adult because they would be very solid in who they really are.

STEPH

They wouldn’t be seeking love from outside themselves.  Fascinating

DAVID

What we go through life doing we’re always giving something. The question is, what are we giving? What are we giving when we meet another person? Are we giving love?  Are we generous? Are we grateful? Or are we needy and  undisciplined and suspicious?

STEPH

Manipulative

DAVID

Manipulative. Yeah, perfect. That’s exactly correct.

STEPH

How can I manipulate this person to get my needs met?

DAVID

That’s right. That’s what we learned as little children when our parents manipulate us

STEPH

Fascinating. This episode wasn’t about parent bashing. They obviously could only do the best that they could with what they had. And this hasn’t been taught for a very, very long time. But I think it’s an important discussion to have in terms of being a business owner. Like, what does that look like? Making it okay for you to set boundaries, making it okay to put yourself first. Making it okay to pay yourself first. Making it okay to have what you want, whatever that desire is, and knowing that that’s possible.  And then being really clear on what are the things that you’re going to do for yourself that are going to nourish and feed yourself. Because if you do that, then they’re like you just said, David, they’re giving and generous, and they’re not seeking something from the outside to fulfill some kind of unmet need.

DAVID

Exactly.  And from a spiritual perspective, the truth about that for all of life is that whatever you put out comes back to. It’s also a scientific fact, energy returns to its source of origination. So if you’re putting out good and you’re putting out love and you’re putting out kindness and help and gratitude, all of that comes back to you in life. Remember in the Bible, it says, by their fruits, you’ll know them. By their fruits, you’ll know them. That you’ll be able to identify the people by what they have in their life. When you hear people complaining they don’t have anything, the world’s against them and all of that, they’ll tell you they think about themselves. That is a mirror image of how they see themselves.

STEPH

That is a window into who the person is. Incredible. Well, thanks for having this important discussion with me today. Valentine’s Day. This Valentine’s Week set a boundary you’ve been wanting to set for a long time. Say no to something that you’ve been wanting to say no to for a long time, and even say yes to something that you’ve been wanting to say yes to for a long time. Just to loving yourself.

BT

I like that idea. And with Valentine’s Day happening tomorrow, I think it would be very fitting for me to throw a few Valentine’s Day tidbits at you guys. And I call this the good, the Bad, and the weird. So are you ready? So, first of all, you talked about business, and you talked about business owners, but everybody knows that Valentine’s Day is a big business. Last year alone, $23.9 billion was spent on this one holiday. And men spend twice as much as women on this holiday. And I think David and I could probably attest to this it’s to try and get out of that proverbial doghouse we live in 364 days out of the year. Right. And then in this country alone, we spend $10.7 billion on jewelry, flowers, and candy. Just on those three gifts

STEPH

For Valentine’s Day?

BT

For Valentine’s Day? Yeah. Isn’t that insane? Steph, do you get jewelry, flowers, or candy? I think your spouse needs to try harder. That’s all I’m going to say. Here’s the least desired candy. You don’t eat candy. Not a lot of people want candy. There’s so many people who get unwanted gifts. I mean, you’d get those boxes of chocolates and you kind of eat the ones. You’d test them and throw them out if they didn’t taste really good. Or chocolate covered cherries. Right. So here’s the least desired gifts. Now, I probably have purchased just some of these before, but I’m going to say them at the risk of being ridiculed. 24% of people believe that the least desired gift on Valentine’s Day is tools. They don’t want tools. Yeah, I would take some tools. A gym membership. What kind of message does that send?

STEPH

That’s probably not a great idea.

BT

Yeah. Sporting equipment. Again, we’re probably thinking treadmills and things of that nature. My favorite kitchen appliances. 16% say not a good idea. Blenders. I mean margarita night. Cheesy stuffed animals. I’ve done that. And then last but not least, the mix tape. Do you think people know what a mix tape is? I mean, our audience does, but the younger generation, do they know what a mix tape is? And have you ever given a mixtape to someone?

STEPH

I love mixed tapes.  Oh, yeah, I’ve made mixed tapes.

BT

That’s so awesome. All right, so those were the good, the bad, and now the weird. These are some gifts that I came across just in searching for some last-minute ideas, even though tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and I probably can’t get them here. Beef jerky hearts by a company called Manly Man Company. They say Beef mine on them, which is kind of fun. And they say, meat me M-E-A-T. That’s kind of clever, right?  It could be. Or it could be for your significant other. I love meat. So Steph got me beef jerky hearts. I’m all in on a night of romance. Chocolate Hummus by Boar’s Head. They make a dessert hummus, chickpeas and chocolate. Does that sound good? No, Steph, your face is telling me it doesn’t sound good. Okay, then this one will probably tempt your fancy. How about a leather flyswatter?

BT

Not exactly.  That’s what I’m wondering. But it comes in three colors American saddle, black or vegan tan. So for the price of $35.99, you can get yourself a leather flyswatter. So, if you’re one of the millions out there who’s going to celebrate this high holiday of love tomorrow, or you’re just going to happily ignore it like many of you will, I would direct you to take in the lyrical stylings of Life Is Now’s favorite Haddaway. Who sang in 1993, What is Love? Because we know that’s a banger, am I right?

DAVID

You’re right